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Live like a disposable camera

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未分类 1月 20,2015

Live like a disposable camera

In July, I bought a pair of disposable cameras before Lakota and I went on an all-day summer adventure.

“Why’re you buying disposables when you’ve got a DSLR that can hold far more photos – in way better quality – for free?” he asked.

“I like the way the photos are a bit blurry, a bit discolored. The effect is really cool. Besides, whoever gets to use a disposable camera anymore?” I said, as I pulled the cameras off the CVS display hook and wiped the dust off the cardboard packaging (no joke – there was actually dust on the package).

That day, we went out on a great adventure and I snapped a few photos with my camera, but definitely not enough to use it up.

So I took it back to Tulsa for a few days, where I snapped a few more pictures.

Then it traveled with me to Austin, for a “graduation celebration” trip for my best friend’s impending graduation.

Then, on a whim, I brought it back with me to Tulsa, where I snapped the final exposures on the camera while home for the holidays.

In looking at these photos, I feel an overwhelming sense of joy. At first, I thought it was simply because I was enjoying the faded, vintage look of the colors and the blurred, noisy effect of the film that made the photos look a lot older than they actually were and appealed to my love of all things retro.
But then I realized what about these photos was making me so truly happy – the fact that they were 100% genuine, candid representations of some of the most beloved people in my life. They were taken at a snapshot in time – random seconds that seem meaningless in the moment, but resonate with memories upon later reflection. 
And the best part about these photos? 
They were complete surprises. Complete, beautiful surprises. 
They weren’t immediately gawked at on the back of a DSLR screen. They weren’t scrutinized and frowned upon, declared “unfit” because a hair was out of place or an expression was not “just right.” They weren’t uploaded to a computer, where they spent hours being processed, color-corrected, and retouched to create a sterilized, “perfect reality.” They were just moments in time, captured as they were – hairs out of place, “not right” expressions and all.
And then I thought to myself, “What if we lived life in that way?”
What if we didn’t immediately overanalyze, pick apart, and critique every single thing that we had just done, said, acted upon? What if we just took a step back and allowed time for our “photo” to develop? I think we’d find that we’d be pleasantly surprised with the finished product.
Food for thought (especially for me).
xx
ola
作者 feibisi
未分类 12月 31,2014

An Open Letter to 2014

It’s been a hell of a year.

You brought me a slew of amazing relationships. 
Some were easy, some were not, but all of them worth it in the end. People come and people go, but those that weather through the good and the bad and work alongside you are the most important ones.

You brought me amazing memories.
Silly Greek mixers with amazing people. Conversations on rooftops until late hours in the middle of the week. Excursions to a cabaret. Adventures across Texas and Missouri in Dallas, Austin, McKinney, Carrollton, The Colony, St. Louis, Columbia. Good food and art openings. Long runs and lots of sweaty workout clothes. Failed internships and ones that were the perfect fit. Photoshoots and videos. Italian exploits. Loud, love-filled choruses of “Happy Birthday” in two languages. New people. Not-so-new people but new friendships. Impromptu nights of clubbing. A kick-ass football season. Second chances.

You taught me faith and understanding. 
There are some things in this vast universe that are completely out of our control. Sometimes, you just have to take a step back, take a deep breath, and believe. If it’s meant to be, it will be.

You taught me patience and perseverance.
All good things come in due time, if only you are willing to put forth the effort to make them work. Sometimes, working towards improvement is painful but necessary. All worthwhile things in life are worth fighting for and are worth working towards. Be it in two weeks or two years – if it’s meant to be, it will be, and additional effort won’t kill you.

You taught me trust. 
Sometimes, we must realize that in order for fate to work its magic, we have to let our guard down and put our trust in others. Let them help us, and let us help them in return when they need it most. Let go, and let it happen.

You taught me the value of cardio.
A good pair of running shoes or road bike or swimsuit, hard work, and sweat will alleviate a frenzied mind and will rebalance a shaken spirit. And there’s always time to go for a short little run. It’s good for the body, but even better for the mind and spirit – especially when you begin to see improvements in agility and endurance.

You taught me to be present-minded.
There’s little sense in worrying about the future if it’s detracting from the present and what’s happening right now. The future is endless and infinite, filled with too many possibilities beyond comprehension; the present is right now and it’s fleeting – you only get one shot at today.

You taught me strength.
Even when one of your worst fears becomes reality, the world keeps turning and life goes on. The heart may ache, and breathing may seem laborious, but blood keeps pumping through your body and you are still alive. You are still moving forward, even if each step forward is marred by half a step back; even if each good day is marred by a horrible hour – or a few.

You taught me love.
Love is patient, love is kind; love is a cliche – until you know what it really means. Love is laughter; love is heart-wrenching decisions that you don’t want to make but know you have to. Love is memories; love is letting someone incredibly important to you go because you know it’s time for the next leg of their journey. Love is affection in many forms – hugs, kisses, shoulders to cry on, invitations to come over for feline therapy, dinners cooked, phone calls answered; love is saying “see you later,” never “goodbye.”

Bring it on, 2015. Let me see what you’ve got.

xx
ola

作者 feibisi
未分类 8月 6,2014

10 Tips for Happiness

My mother and I have a tendency of sending one another links to all sorts of Internet articles we find online; some are scholarly, some are funny, some are frightening, some are cute, and some are just plain silly. Yesterday, my mother shared this article with me, and reading it put a big smile on my face and a sense of inspiration in my soul.

As y’all likely have noticed, the idea of happiness is something that I think about a lot. Honestly, it fascinates me because everyone has their own idea of what happiness is and what it feels like to truly be happy. Not only that, but I truly believe that happiness is a choice – if you can align your mind so that you are open to happiness, you will be happy. I’m not going to lie, aligning my mind to be open to happiness is something that I struggle with sometimes, but it’s something that I’m working on.

Reading the Pope’s ten tips for happiness has as a wonderful reminder to invite happiness into my life by aligning my mind in the proper way, and has also inspired me to compile my own list of ten tips for happiness:

  1. Learn to understand and accept that you absolutely cannot control everything in your life. We can micromanage and plan our lives to a tee, but there will always be a chance that something will happen at the last second and completely shatter our plans. We can’t predict and plan for everything – that’s life.
  2. Take what happens in stride, and use it to your advantage. Sometimes, things are going to go wrong. But, spoiler alert: the world keeps turning, the wind keeps blowing, and life goes on. No matter what happens, it will not signal the end of the world. It will be okay in the end – but, it is up to you to decide how quickly “the end” will come.
  3. Learn to enjoy the journey, not the destination. Our lives are all one big “journey” – learn to enjoy it right now, instead of staying so focused on the destination that you don’t notice what you’re passing by. For more, read this post.
  4. Take some “me” time. Our friends and family are wonderful people who were put into our lives for a reason, but if we spend every waking moment in the presence of someone else, we’ll never get to truly understand ourselves. I am a firm believer in devoting some time in the day to “me” time; get to know – and love yourself.
  5. Find at least one thing you like about yourself. We’re all horribly self-critical, and our self-esteems can leave a lot to be desired, but I bet that there is at least one tiny little thing you don’t absolutely loathe about yourself. Find it, embrace it, and flaunt it.
  6. Find at least one reason to smile every single day. I don’t care if you’re having the worst day of your life – if you are still breathing, you have at least one reason to smile.
  7. Find your “happy music” and blast it. Seriously, just try being unhappy when your favorite song is playing, happy words washing over you.
  8. Surround yourself with people that bring you up and make you happy. If there is someone in your life right now that is bringing you down, they’re not worthy of your time, so don’t give it to them. Simple as that.
  9. Open your eyes. Take a minute to look around you in all directions – left, right, up, down, sideways, and inside out. The world is a beautiful place filled with happiness in all forms – and a lot of it is highly infectious, if you can only find it.
  10. Get out and move. Take a walk, ride your bike, go for a jog, get together with friends to toss the frisbee around, dance around your room in your underwear, singing into a hairbrush microphone… Just get out there and move. It’s hard to be unhappy when you’ve got endorphins pumping through your bloodstream from the simple act of movement.

I’m a bit obsessed with the song “Boys Chase Girls” by Ingrid Michaelson right now, so just remember her wise words: “I’ve got two hands, one beating heart/I’m gonna be all right.”

    You’re gonna be all right, kid. Be happy!
    xx
    ola
    作者 feibisi
    未分类 7月 26,2014

    Get your head out of the clouds, kid & put your feet on the ground

    Just like every other human being, I have a lot of flawed little quirks; one of the biggest ones that has seriously been kicking my butt lately is my tendency to get caught up so much in the future and what could happen that I don’t pay attention to the present and to what is actually happening right now.

    It’s the summer before my senior year – it’s both simultaneously scary and exciting, but I’ve been so worried about the future for the past few weeks that it’s been making me really unhappy in the present. And you know what? I’ve realized that’s silly. It’s the summer before my senior year – I should be having a great time. I should be enjoying this generally unseasonably cool Texas summer by laughing, living, and being carefree. I shouldn’t get boggled down by my worries about the future – that’s still a ways away.

    I’ve been feeling all this pressure to get everything figured out and done so that I can rest easy about the future that I’ve totally forgotten that the journey is the best part. The journey towards the future is the best part, and while you shouldn’t completely blow off any sense of planning for the future, you shouldn’t get so caught up in it that it totally consumes your life and brings you unhappiness.

    So don’t get caught up in it. Remember that life is really short and really unpredictable. Why worry about something that may or may not happen a few days – or years – down the road when you’re living a wonderful life filled with beautiful experiences and amazing people right now? No one is owed or guaranteed another day or another year, so why aren’t you living the way you want to be right now?

    I challenge you – right now – to go out there and do something you love. Surround yourself with people that make you happy and bring you up. Laugh, love, and live.

    xx
    ola

    作者 feibisi
    未分类 7月 21,2014

    Grand adventures

    Yesterday, my guy and I spent the entire day having what I referred to as a “grand adventure.” It started off earlier during the week.

    “Hey Lakota, what are you doing on Saturday?”
    “Nothing, actually. I don’t have to work.”
    “Let’s go on a grand adventure!”
    “Okay.”

    Our original plan was to explore a quarry, but because of logistical reasons, it didn’t end up working out. Instead, we decided to explore a bit of Plano and Carrollton. We saw McMansions, the Baptidome, my guy’s old stomping grounds, some beautiful examples of nature, and a great little slice of small town Americana.

    I couldn’t have asked for a better way to spend my Saturday. It seems like spontaneous trips always end up being the most memorable and the most enjoyable.
    Happy Sunday, y’all! Here’s to a good week.
    xx
    ola

    作者 feibisi
    未分类 7月 14,2014

    Reawakening a passion

    Overall, college has been wonderful for me. I have loved all the people I have met, all the experiences I have had, and even a vast majority of the classes that I have taken.

    One deleterious thing about college, though? It sucks up all your time.
    I’m a double major in the business school, so when I’m in the midst of the semester, my life revolves around projects, tests, and internships. As a result, I tend to forget to give myself some time to just do what I love and be happy.
    My photography has definitely suffered quite a bit because of it.
    Every year, I print new photos to put in the dozens of frames that adorn the walls of my room. Last summer, I realized with disdain that I had very few new images to choose from to print – I was limited to just the few snapshots I had taken during my trip to Seattle.
    This summer, I vowed to change that. I faltered a bit at the beginning (because I was – and to a certain point still am – dealing with some things), but now that I’ve less than a month of summer left, I’m determined to make it count. (Better late than never!)
    So Kylie and I went out and had an impromptu photoshoot last night. It was absolutely brilliant and it made me so happy beyond words. It reminded me that a camera in my hands and a model in front of me really put me in my element – something that I had been missing for so long.
    So take it from me, y’all. Don’t put your passions on the backburner – always make a little bit of time for them. Because when you put your passions on the backburner, a little piece of your soul goes there with them.
    Enjoy these shots of Kylie from last night!

    xx
    ola
    作者 feibisi
    未分类 7月 8,2014

    A fresh (re)start

    I’m back!

    I’ll admit it – the last few months were rough. There’s a reason my blog posts ceased and I basically disappeared off the planet.
    But that’s all in the past, and I am back and have more creative energy than ever.
    I’ve been thirsting for a creative project all summer, and I realize that reviving this blog will be it. I took such joy in writing posts (even though they may have only received a handful of reads from time to time), and I’m determined to bring that joy back into my life.
    A few things have changed since my last post:
    • I have genuinely fallen in love with cooking and preparing food – particularly “pretty” foods, as I like to call them. Check out my Instagram for my latest culinary exploits! I hope to incorporate some of my newfound favorite recipes into this blog.
    • I have officially become a running junkie. I have become that person that actually looks forward to an extended five mile run, and exalt in the nasty sweatiness that comes with it.
    • I am a rising senior in college… That’s both simultaneously terrifying and exciting, but I am absolutely determined to make this the very best year of my life.

    I have a ton of new ideas for the blog, and I plan on becoming reacquainted with my camera in the last few weeks of my summer… It’s time to reawaken my passions and truly work on living, and most of all, on the accolades of life.

    xx
    ola
    作者 feibisi
    未分类 1月 21,2014

    Losing sight: it’s okay

    I have a confession to make.

    I have already broken a few of my New Years’ “resolutions.”

    But you know what? It’s okay.

    It’s okay because the “resolutions” we choose – or don’t choose – to make each year are simply our own. We make our own rules in life, and I hereby decree that it’s okay to “break” my resolutions – there is no limit on my picking myself up and simply starting over. I am only human, and I will never be perfect.

    This weekend has brought me to the realization that I have lost sight of some simply beautiful things in my life. I have been so wrapped up in little petty things and meaningless “problems” that I have forgotten how incredibly lucky I am. I have fueled my perceived unhappiness by worrying needlessly about my own little issues and have ignored the people I love. I have been so wrapped up in me that I have forgotten to take a step back and ask how the people that I love – and the people that make me, me – are doing, what they’re feeling, and how things are going.

    So learn from my mistakes and don’t get so wrapped up in you that you forget about the important things, like the people who truly make you you. Don’t focus on the petty things that are fleeting – and probably don’t mean anything – and take a cue from this fantastically weird sculpture in downtown Dallas…

    Keep your eyes open and don’t “lose sight” of what’s really important in life. The little worries that seem to pop up intermittently are probably not going to be relevant next week – or even tomorrow – so don’t dwell on them. The irritation that you feel for an afternoon is probably not going to persist in the morning, so don’t focus on it and add fuel to the fire. The tinge of sadness that creeps into your mind as you sit alone in your room on a weekend night is probably not justified, so don’t let it fester and turn into something crippling that causes you to lose a day of happiness. Life’s too short to “sweat the petty things,” so don’t.

    Instead, when you’re feeling down or worried or apprehensive because of some little things, take a deep breath, think of something that makes you feel incredibly lucky to be living the life that you’re living (like your family, your friends, your pet, your environment, or hell, even something silly like that stupid stuffed animal that you’ve had since you were six), and revel in how beautiful things can be.

    And well, if that doesn’t work, there’s no shame in eating Moose Track ice cream from the carton with your best friend while you both bemoan the crappy weekend you had. Like I mentioned before – I’m only human.

    xx
    ola

    作者 feibisi
    未分类 1月 13,2014

    An open letter: thank you, I love you

    I like to think of myself as a rather gracious person, and as such, I try to ensure that the people that are incredibly important in my life know it. This year alone (all 12 days of it), I have been overtaken by an overwhelming sense of gratitude, and I know that I am so lucky to be surrounded by the incredible in my life. Sometimes, it feels like I can’t say “thank you” or “I love you” enough. So here’s an open letter of thanks to all the wonderfully incredible people in my life. Thank you for making my life a wonderful one full of smiles, happiness, and amazing memories.

    To my wonderful boyfriend, for providing me with laughs, relaxation, and an overwhelming feeling of safety and security. For holding me close when I’m overburdened with anxiety, and whispering calming phrases in my ears. For making me smile so much my face hurts, for constantly exposing me to new things, and for having the most wonderful adventures together. For long hours that bleed together in what seems like minutes, laying and talking about everything and anything.

    To my parents, for providing me with an amazing life. For giving me the opportunity to make something of myself by supporting me through my education and my various pursuits, no matter how flighty they may be. For loving me unconditionally, even when I have my “bratty kid” moments. For being the most amazing role models I could have ever asked for, and for providing me with this undying sense of gratitude and the knowledge that I should never – and will never – take a single thing for granted.

    To my best friends, for making me laugh so hard I cry and make really ugly noises (and faces). For all the late nights spent talking about life, love, fears, and hopes. For all the random adventures during random hours in random places. For the moments where I “feel infinite” (and revel in the cliches). For the memories that I will treasure forever, and for the unconditional love and bond I feel with a group of people who are not my bloodline, but may as well be.

    To my sorority sisters, for showing me that a lifelong bond can be created outside of blood – if only with the right people. For being the first big group of girls that I’ve managed to maintain friendships with. For making me laugh, showing me love, and really helping me grow exponentially as a person.

    To my teachers – whether they be those from elementary school or college – for gifting me with a love of learning. For pushing me to do my best, and for challenging my laziness. For introducing me to the world of literature and writing, and for nurturing my interests and providing critical feedback to help me grow.

    And so I’ll say it again, even though it doesn’t feel like it’s nearly enough – thank you, I love you.

    作者 feibisi
    未分类 1月 5,2014

    In 2014 I will…

    Every year, I make just about the same resolutions. This year however, I got to thinking that I don’t quite like the term “resolutions.” In my mind, the word elicits the phrase “I resolve to…” which makes me envision a moment where I say, “Oh yeah, I’ll do that… Eventually.” Then, the “eventually” keeps getting pushed further and further back until eventually it’s New Year’s Eve again and I’ve only half-assedly accomplished what I wanted to that year.

    So this year, I’m taking a different approach. Instead of resolutions, I’ve made a list of things that I will do this year.

    In 2014, I will…

    1. Relax.
      This one is huge for me. One of the biggest struggles I face on a regular basis is my unnerving anxiety. Though I can usually keep the worst of it at bay when I’m busy with school during the semester, it rears its ugly head in my down times and becomes debilitating in its worst moments. So this year? I’m not going to let it get to its worst moments. I am going to relax.
    2. Take more photos.
      Okay, okay, so this is one of those resolutions that I make every year… The way I see it, you can never take too many photos! However, I really want to get serious about it this time. I’m a junior in college and “the real world” is rapidly approaching. If I can get my photography out into “the real world” as a plausible way to make money, I’ll have a huge step-up after graduation.
    3. Continue running regularly.
      I forced myself into running beginning this past summer, and I’ve gotten increasingly better and better at it. In fact, I may even be starting to like it (but only a little bit). It’s a great form of stress relief, and great for keeping me in shape, so it’s definitely something I want to continue!
    4. Get back into yoga.
      I really dropped the ball on yoga this semester, and I miss it a lot. I know it’s going to be a rough few weeks starting back up because my flexibility is not what it used to be, but I realize that it’s definitely something I need in my life. It goes hand-in-hand with running – a great form of stress relief and a wonderful way to keep in shape.
    5. Post more regular blog posts and work on being consistent.
      I really do love writing blog posts and taking photos to accompany them. This blog provides me with an incredibly creative outlet, and seeing that my words can really resonate with people brings my soul so much warmth. Thus, this year, I’m hoping not to take anymore month-long hiatuses. I really want to force myself to make some time for this blog. It’s a form of creative therapy.
    6. Read more than just textbooks.
      You know, it’s funny. I thought that I really wouldn’t have to read too too much as a business major… Which is cute. Sometimes I wonder if I’m assigned more reading than an English major! My assigned readings eat up a huge portion of my free time, and as a result, my time to read for pleasure becomes severely diminished. After getting back into devouring wonderful novels this break, I’ve realized that I really ought to make a conscious effort to read more during the semester. Hopefully, I can do just that.
    7. Write out – or talk about – whatever is making me feel overwhelmed.
      If you know me at all, you probably know that I have a hard time sharing things that are making me upset or overwhelmed with others. It stems from my innate belief that I am “burdening people with my problems” and I don’t want to be a bother. However, I’ve realized that internalizing my problems only makes things worse. In the past few months, I have gotten better at expressing what is making me feel uneasy, and I hope to continue to improve my abilities to do so – both through the written and spoken word.
    8. Learn, love, and live by “Don’t sweat the petty things.”
      This ties back into my first and seventh resolutions. Life’s too short to get upset or bothered by minute things that don’t matter. I need to remember that.
    9. Take time to breathe.
      Another resolution that ties back to the overlying “relax and address your anxieties” theme. It’s pretty self-explanatory – I need to take more time to give myself a break and to focus on simply breathing.
    10. Never forget to love.
      2014 is only four days in and I have already started off the year feeling an overwhelming sense of gratitude. Life is too short for negative emotions and grudges. Love is all you need.
    11. Take myself out… Just because.
      Remember my post about dating yourself? That was my first and only “self-date” experience, and I’ve realized that I need to have more. It’s a brilliant way to unwind and just have some time to breathe.
    12. Stop making excuses!
      Pretty self-explanatory. I am awful at this, and it’s something that really bugs me about myself. I need to change it.
    13. Start drawing again – more than just notebook doodles.
      When I was in elementary and middle school, I drew all the time. I don’t know why I stopped. I miss having days with my pen/pencil to the paper and just creating things. It’ll be a good way to exercise my creative muscles as well.
    14. Reconnect with some old friends.
      I’ve really fallen out of touch with some wonderful people. I think it’s about time I send them a text or a Facebook message… So watch out! 😉
    15. Step outside my comfort zone and do something new and scary.
      What that might be, I don’t know yet. I just know that I want to try new things and experience the fullest possible flavor of life. There are so many things to be done in this world!
    16. Teach myself something outside of the classroom.
      While academia is great and all, I want my learning to extend beyond textbooks and lectures. Learning is one of my very favorite things to do, and I really want to take this year to learn something new that cannot be taught by a lecture. I don’t know what that is yet, but I think I can figure it out.
    17. Have a kick-ass year!
      I think this one is pretty self-explanatory. 2013 was so good to me… I’m going to make 2014 even better!
    Have y’all made a list of what you want to accomplish in the new year? Let me know!
    xx
    ola
    作者 feibisi

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